Turns out, I'm not the only one fired up

On Shannon Watts' new book: Fired Up: How to Turn Your Spark into a Flame and Come Alive at Any Age, or, why are all these midlife women talking about fire?

A few weeks after I’d come up with the idea – and the name – for The Reignition Project, I got an email in my inbox. It was from Shannon Watts an activist whose mailing list I joined last summer, but hadn’t kept up with since.

Now, she was announcing a new book: Fired Up: How to Turn Your Spark into a Flame and Come Alive at Any Age¹ – and I couldn’t believe it. It was the idea I‘d just had, with the same fire metaphor, only from someone with a much bigger platform. What did this mean for me, and my fledgling newsletter that had been the first thing to light my own fire in months?

Photo credit: Margot Duane

I might have felt discouraged, like I should go back to the drawing board, but - on the contrary - I was elated. I was RIGHT. My idea was good. There was a market for people who needed to find their fire in midlife but maybe weren’t sure how. And, upon reading the marketing copy, this wasn’t my exact idea – hers was both broader (beyond career pivots) and more specific (targeting women). Phew.

The book launched yesterday, and I spent the afternoon reading it. It’s short enough to read in a few hours but has enough depth that it’s probably better digested over the course of a few days, with time dedicated to the many exercises and thought starters. Regardless, I thought I’d share a few takeaways, since, if you’re reading this, it’s likely relevant to you as well.

• It’s an inspiring “how-to” - I often talk about The Reignition Project serving as a blueprint for those who want to reignite their life. Fired Up is more prescriptive, like an instruction manual that walks you through how to do so. Journal prompts and action items punctuate each chapter to help readers both “light the match” (get started) or “fan the flames” (keep going). Examples of “firestarters” (women who have found their spark) are included throughout, serving as blueprints for inspiration.

• Three elements spark success - I thought one of the most useful sections of the book is built on Shannon’s concept of a “fire triangle” helping readers identify their core desires, values, and skills that would lead to ignition. The accompanying chapters reminded me of an exercise I did years ago to identify my purpose through a Venn diagram of similar categories. I kept it framed on my desk until last year, when I finally decided it no longer aligned with Current Me. Perhaps it’s time for a re-do!

• Failure is important - There was a short chapter on how failure can lead to the biggest wins, which I feel needs a louder megaphone. One question I ask in all my interviews is whether people can share any mistakes or failures. Nearly everyone clams up at this question. No one wants to admit their mistakes. I was like that too, for most of my life! But, in my last job, failure was reframed: it meant you took a big swing and learned what didn’t work. We even gave an annual award for the biggest failure. No one wanted to win it, but it normalized failure as part of the process. More of this, please! 📣

• But it affects women disproportionately – A theme throughout the book – visited most poignantly towards the end – is on why women in particular need permission to - as Shannon puts it - “summon their audacity.” She writes: “So many women, especially when they reach midlife, wake up one day and realize they’re living lives they didn’t want or don’t recognize.” And why?

  • Societal double standards. “Men are encouraged to find fulfilment while women are trained to fulfil their obligations.” Plus, women downplay their accomplishments because “women are judged more harshly for men for self-promotion.”

  • Culture doesn’t help. “As women age, they are suddenly invisible in a culture that values the beauty of youth. The blowback can be severe if you insist on taking up space after age forty.”

  • Guilt. “The blow-back of mom-guilt… is what most often prevents them from growing their fire. Guilt encourages women to blame themselves falling short instead of questioning why they don’t have more support from the system.”

  • Shame. “Over time, when women hold themselves to a high standard and still feel they are coming up short, their feelings of guilt can turn into shame… The more you believe you cannot meet expectations, the more you believe you’re unworthy.”

The result of all of this, Shannon writes, is that “Women put out their fires prematurely, to avoid extinguishers – affirmation of their inner negative voice.”

I can’t speak to mom-guilt, but that last bit about shame, born from years comparing myself to other professionals in my orbit, hit hard. It’s probably at least partly why The Reignition Project lit my fire as much as it did – there was no one else doing this yet to compare to.

The book’s message, like mine, is simple: “It is never too late to decide to live your life on fire.” But even I could use the welcome reminder. 😊

If you remember this book/movie, it’s time to start using a night cream.

BONUS READ! How AI is flipping the switch on what career success looks like:

While I’m making recommendations, I thought this was an incredible read from Carmen Van Kerckhove about the power shift between trade jobs and desk jobs, and how it will impact everything from our culture to our identities. Male or female, if you are job-searching or soul-searching, this is a must-read: Your job used to impress people. That era just ended.

1. I make a small commission if you buy through the link.